Reflect

Knowing One’s Position…

I remember as a child, practice after practice, learning how to adapt the position of my body and the direction of my softball glove depending on where the ball was hit; taking into consideration the wide array of possibilities—to the left or right, moving in or out, head on, up in the air or on the ground. I also recall being advised not to overthink or try too hard to make the play. I think of times of overshooting the target when feeling under the gun to throw the ball as hard as possible, in order to get the runner out. In those times, my focus was more on the closing gap between the runner and the base than on simply throwing the ball to the target.

Each year, and at each level of play, there was something new to be learned in becoming more skillful not only as a player, but also as a teammate. Everyone on the team had a primary position, but we also had a backup or supporting position in case of injury. We were asked to be ready for whatever was for the good of the team whether it was on the bench cheering on teammates, warming up the pitcher, or on the field as a starter.

The spirit of the team depended on the embrace of this attitude and way of being. As the saying goes, “united we stand, divided we fall.” However, that all depends on what it is that is bringing us together, to what it is leading and who is being served.

Oftentimes we can feel like we are running out of time or feel a sense of pressure to act swiftly. While there are cases where a quick response is necessary, there are also many cases where a sense of urgency is a trick play, seeking to take one “off their game.” There are times when the best course of action is to slow down in order to be in tune with the natural flow and instinct ingrained within each of us, patiently trying to guide us for the good of all.

Every now and again, even though I may be embracing the “team” attitude and have my positions covered, I need to ask myself, is this truly in the best interest of the entire team? This is not something that anyone else can answer for me. Only I can know the truth of the matter for myself. However, it can only be revealed, if I am willing to entertain both possibilities – I may be acting in the best interest of the team, but I may also not be acting in the best interest of the team.

“But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit.” – Matthew 27:50

The Pharisees and the scribes who sought to get rid of Jesus, gave up their spirits to serve and protect themselves. Jesus gave up…surrendered his spirit as part of the plan that was truly for the greater good – Salvation.

Surrender to God is never failure, but rather victory unlike any other.

KnowYourPosition2

Knowing One’s Position…

Remembrance…

Earlier in the week, I was at a gathering where the person speaking asked everyone to close their eyes and think of someone they knew and whom they considered a saint. Next, we were asked what qualities the person had that made us think of them as a saint. Then, we were asked what we might need to do to have more of that quality in ourselves.

I found it to be a particularly interesting exercise. This is mostly because I immediately thought of two people, both of whom are still alive. I found myself thinking, “Oops,” upon realizing that the speaker meant for us to think of people who had passed away. However, my mea culpa ended up being quite fruitful.

I am convinced that it was not a coincidence that the people who came to mind are still alive, not only that, but also that neither of them would consider themselves saintly by a long stretch. The thing is that while none of us is perfect, all of us have qualities that are good and holy…saintly. Some days they may shine more brightly than other days, but the hope is that as we go along they shine more often or with greater steadiness.

Continuing with the meditation, as I sat there I could envision the faces of so many people, both those living and those now deceased that God has placed around me and with me. How awe-inspiring it was. I could not help but think that there are and have been so many good people, not only in my life, but also in the world. There have also been less than kind-hearted people, but still positive things have come from most of those experiences. More than anything, it seems that there are so many examples of goodness, and each time we experience one, we are blessed. It can be easy to forget that.

November is typically a month of thanksgiving and remembrance. With each day, and as the seasons change and the years pass, it is always good to remember and be thankful.

It’s a matter of Light…

Each afternoon as the sun begins its descent, it shines in through one of the side windows on our house. As it does, it reflects off of a crystal prism that resides on the windowsill. The result is an array of light and rainbow spots on the walls and ceiling of the living room. The pattern that is displayed changes depending on whether there is a breeze and the branches of the nearby trees are swaying, and therefore interrupting the flow of light. Whatever the pattern may be, it’s always quite beautiful.

On this particular day as I sit and observe, I wonder to myself, “What do I reflect?” As I think of a particular situation, there is much that quickly comes to mind. I slow down and look more closely. Then, I catch myself. “The things I am afraid of”; that is the category on which I have landed. Could it be that my fears are leading me and guiding my responses when it comes to this situation?

As I look up and around at the reflection of light and color, it becomes clear. Zoom out. Re-focus. “What are my hopes regarding this situation?”

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” – Nelson Mandela

Prism

Blue Jay Way…

For the past number of weeks, almost every afternoon around the same time of day a blue jay has been visiting my back yard. The other day, as I spotted it, I was thinking about how each day, faithfully, around the same time, like clockwork, this bird visits my back yard. Its behavior and routine is kind of curious and amusing. And, some days it brings a companion, another blue jay, with it.

Now, how do I know all of this? Well, I guess, I also am a creature of habit. Around the same time this blue jay visits my back yard each afternoon, I am looking out the window that is over the kitchen sink as I wash my children’s lunch and snack containers.

While I can guess how long I’ve been washing lunch and snack containers, I’m not sure how long this blue jay has been coming around my yard. However, since first noticing its daily presence, I have come to see other things about it too. The coloring and pattern across its body is beautiful. Sometimes it flies from branch to branch or to different parts of the swing set (even hopping up the ladder), and sometimes it hops around the lawn pecking and “hunting.”

It’s interesting how things can become a habit, or second nature, without any intention for them to be so. Sometimes tendencies or personality traits, such as “favorite spots for birds to watch” or “clean as you go along” approaches can be a good thing. Other times they can create a blind spot(s) perhaps causing one to be on a kind of auto-pilot (zoned in on a particular thing to the exclusion of other things). They can cause one to move through the day, or parts of it, with limited openness to a change of course or location. In other words, they can cause me to become stubborn or fixed, or to get stuck in a rut without me even realizing it.

Sometimes I need to pause and ask myself, am I open to being re-directed to something that might be of greater importance as I go about my day? Or, what is it that gets in the way or causes me to be closed off to insight, awareness, or a different view as I go along?

At times, the things that we like to do, or that we started out liking to do, can feel like an obligation. Similarly responsibilities that we may have come to embrace with a sense peace or joy can again, at times, feel like a chore or even a burden. Oftentimes that feeling can be a blessing, leading one to pause and ask, “What am I really doing here?”, “What am I looking for?” or “Why am I doing this?” Then I remember, “There is need of only one thing.” (Luke 10:42).

 

Jesus entered a village
where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him.
She had a sister named Mary
who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak.
Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said,
“Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?
Tell her to help me.”
The Lord said to her in reply,
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.
There is need of only one thing.
Mary has chosen the better part
and it will not be taken from her.”
– Luke 10:38-42

Star of Wonder…

One of my favorite Christmas songs since childhood is “We Three Kings of Orient Are” by John Henry Hopkins, Jr.

I recall singing this song as a child from this small book of Christmas Carols.

ChristmasCarolBook

While the book is worn and yellowing from the years, it still brings back memories of peace, joy, and hope from Christmases past; it also brings forth some sadness in the missing of loved ones who have since passed on. Overall, though, I feel grateful for the many blessings along the way. So many of them, especially from my youth, I could only see after the fact and through hindsight.

Now though, as I remember all that has been and look at all that is in front of me, I am better able to see it for what it was, and what it is. By the Light of God, I see, and am touched most deeply by, the heart of the matter; the sentiment behind each gift, each act, each word. While sometimes the sentiment is one that is not of love and goodwill, and may be painful to receive, when I look at the Light, in time, I am able to move through that pain toward peace, hope and joy once more. When I allow the Light to grow and burn more brightly within me, I am better able to cherish each moment with love and care.

In a society that is constantly screaming, “Bigger! Better! More!,” the 12 days of Christmas are such an opportune time to slow down and to take time to reflect…to seek and to find or re-find the light of the Star and follow it.

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light.

IMG_1556

What came before is important to what is now, and what is to come…

“Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” – George Santayana

When I was a teenager learning to drive a car, I attended driving lessons. The instructor talked about the importance of leaving oneself an out. That is, time and space to respond safely to both the expected and the unexpected along the way. He spoke about leaving at least a car length (more when traveling at higher speeds) between one’s car and the car ahead. He also taught about being aware of what is in front of oneself as well as using the side and rearview mirrors. Then, of course, he spoke of the times, when looking back over the shoulder, is necessary.

It seems like navigating the road of life is very similar; best done with a broad spectrum, using both central vision and peripheral vision…And, sometimes, needing to turn around, and look back.

At times looking back and remembering the past can bring a smile to one’s face as people, places, events and things experienced along the way come to mind. However, sometimes looking back can be painful. Either way, recalling yesterdays can be immensely helpful in moving forward in a positive way.

While some may say that history is just that, history, and that it should be left in the past, history can play such an important part in guiding one through the present and into a brighter future. With careful consideration and prayerful reflection, the past can illuminate and open up the road ahead.

“History is a vast early warning system.” – Norman Cousins

History is not only important and essential to reflect on so that I do not repeat past mistakes, but also in keeping perspective and holding onto the truths that I have learned, the truth of who I am, and how I desire and strive to be as I navigate the world. While I certainly do not want to stay, or live, in the past, recalling it and, if necessary, working to be at peace with it is essential to growth and authenticity. I cannot forge ahead with a sense of freedom, peace and openness to being led by the Spirit, if I avoid or recoil from the past and any loose ends that it may hold.

We all have loose ends, things that get in the way or cause us to speak or act in ways that are less than a genuine reflection of who we really are at the core of our being. When these loose ends pop up here or there, how do I respond? Do I push them back down, trying to squash them into the hole from which they sprang? Or, do I spend time with them? Do I try to look more closely and work through them so that their potential for wreaking havoc or causing unrest or anxiety becomes less and less each time they arrive, eventually becoming so minute that it is as if they have faded away or vanished completely? In this way, holding and looking back at the past can lead to it becoming a salve or a balm; helping to heal old wounds so that I do not become stuck along the path that I am currently on in the journey of life.

In addition, history often helps to give greater meaning to our lives. It helps us to know who we are and from where we have come. The past can also help us to appreciate more fully the present as well as to know what to hold on to and of what to let go. Knowing where I come from, what and why I do the things that I do and celebrate the occasions that I celebrate, is important. If I do not recall the history of these things or events every so often, over time, they will lose at least some of their meaning, and eventually they may become lost entirely. For some things that may be a good thing, but for others, it may not, especially if they have anything to do with core values and beliefs that create a sense of peace and unity within myself and flowing out into my daily interactions.

You see, when we lose touch with history, avoid it, or allow it to be erased or re-written, we risk losing touch with Truth, both our own and that of humanity. We also risk drifting away from fully becoming all that we were created to be and all, that deep down, we truly desire to be. When we are focused solely on what lies ahead, we are as George Santayana said, “doomed.”

“Prayer is listening to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. It is to constantly go back to the Truth of who we are and claim it for ourselves. I’m not what I do. I’m not what people say about me. I’m not what I have. My life is not rooted in the world, the things the world gives me. My life is rooted in the truth of my spiritual identity. Whatever we do — we have to go back regularly to that place of core identity.” – Henri Nouwen

Hope and Light in Darkness…

This week I had the opportunity to share in an experience called an Advent spiral walk. The evening started with hot cider and light fare followed by song, beautifully led by acoustic guitar and, at first by the voice of one singing, and then several. As it progressed, and we bundled up and walked outside, into the evening, it only got better.

In the cold air and in darkness, guided only by candlelight, we proceeded to reflect on Advent, a time of waiting…waiting in darkness…but also in hope. As we sat around the spiral, singing, “In the Advent Garden, Dark the night below, Earth is waiting, waiting, waiting for the stars to glow…oh,” and as I listened to the guitar chords and the voices, I found myself so taken with the beauty of it all. One by one, each person…each pilgrim…stood up and prayerfully walked the spiral to the center. Once there, he or she, paused, lit their candle, and then placed it along the path on the walk back out from the center.

As I looked up at the stars above, and then back to the group and the spiral, looking at the area that was once dark now becoming lighter, I found myself filled with hope and joy. As I reflected on the words spoken earlier, “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (from John 1:5), I found myself feeling grateful to God for the light placed within each of us and for each person in my life, and along my journey, who has shared their light with me and others.

How wonderful! Even in the darkness, there is light. Advent…waiting with hope and in hope…it is not just this time of year, but also throughout the year. Sometimes I wonder, am I waiting for God or, is it God who is waiting for me? Sometimes, I think it is both.

Either way, whether I am waiting for God or God is waiting for me…the sun always returns, and the light returns, as we wait together.

“Thus says the Lord GOD,
the Holy One of Israel:
O people of Zion, who dwell in Jerusalem,
no more will you weep;
He will be gracious to you when you cry out,
as soon as he hears he will answer you.
The Lord will give you the bread you need
and the water for which you thirst.
No longer will your Teacher hide himself,
but with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher,
While from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears:
‘This is the way; walk in it,’
when you would turn to the right or to the left.”  – Is 30:19-21

There Will Be An Answer…

“There will be an answer. Let it be.” – Paul McCartney

Trust that there will be an answer. Wait for it. That can be so hard at times, especially living in a “right here, right now” world. A fast paced, blink and you will miss it, world.

There are so many sayings about time…time is of the essence…once you lose time you cannot get it back…time waits for nobody…so little time, so much to do, and so on. What, then, is essential for me to do with my time? Perhaps it is choosing wisely how to spend it…something that, yes, takes time.

“For thus said the Lord GOD,
the Holy One of Israel:
By waiting and by calm you shall be saved,
in quiet and in trust shall be your strength.
But this you did not will.” – Isaiah 30:15

What makes it so difficult, at times, for me not only to wait, but also to trust that, as I wait, an answer is on its way? Not only does Scripture tell me to wait for the Lord, trusting in divine providence and grace:

“Truly, the LORD is waiting to be gracious to you,
truly, he shall rise to show you mercy;
For the LORD is a God of justice:
happy are all who wait for him!” – Isaiah 30:18

“And your ears shall hear a word behind you:
“This is the way; walk in it,”
when you would turn to the right or the left.” – Isaiah 30:21

but when I take the time to reflect, so does my life experience. So often, taking the time to slow down, to continue to pray and to discern, and to wait for God instead of jumping into the fast lane and forging ahead as the world would have me, has lead me to a better answer…a better decision, than I could have devised solely, on my own. By allowing time, that precious time, and waiting, I have often been granted an answer… a nudge…a tweak to my original course of action or plan that has made a difference for the better and made waiting not only worthwhile, but also a gift…a blessing.

When I am feeling impatient and pressured by the ticking of the clock, I need to call myself back to the truth. I need to remember how good God has been to me. To remain faithful and trust that God will continue to be good to me, and perhaps most importantly, I need to cherish the time I spend waiting. I need to toss aside the clock and trust in God’s time.

TrustHopeInTheLordC

Where are you?

With all the events happening in the world, I find myself wondering, “Why?” or better yet, “What?” What is it that really causes conflict? What is it that turns a situation from being one of working together to one of working against? What is it that divides?

A number of months ago and out of nowhere, I had an experience that blind-sided me. At the time, I felt taken advantage of and betrayed. I had trusted that there was honesty and authenticity, but come to find out, there was not. There was an exchange that started out in what seemed a positive direction, but then it came to light that there was only darkness and deceit on the other side…and hidden underneath that darkness and deceit were assumptions, judgments and misinterpretations driven mostly by fear.

There is the saying, “Money is the root of all evil,” but it certainly seems that fear ought to be right up there next to money, if not above it. It is often fear unchecked, that is behind words, actions, and inactions that can cause damage and destruction for both, me, and the world around me. It can stop me in my tracks. It can unleash anger and anxiety (among other feelings) that may tempt and cause me to act in ways that I would not otherwise. Fear, unchecked and in charge, can make me run fast, far, and wide, and most significantly, it can lead me away from the very place where I need to be.

In the Book of Genesis, while we can see that jealousy played a part in all that happened between the serpent and Eve and then Eve and Adam in the Garden of Eden, we can also see that fear was right there too. After the fruit has been eaten, Adam and Eve hear God walking in the garden and they hide. (Thousands of years removed, and from what I have come to believe about God, I find this somewhat humorous. Like anyone can actually hide from God. However, I suppose we can, and do at times, allow ourselves to think we are hiding from God.)

God says to Adam, “Where are you?” God does not say, “What have you done? One tree, man! I asked you and the woman to stay away from one tree!…” God does not criticize Adam and Eve up one side of the Garden of Eden and down the other. God does not shame them, try to make them more fearful, or strip away their dignity (further than their actions have already done).

While there are consequences for their actions, God still cares for them and about them, and does not abandon them. God already knows what they have done and could simply call them out and punish them, but instead God starts by simply asking, “Where are you?” What a great question!

God wants to hear their story. God wants to hear our story. How open are we to hearing each other’s stories?

Imagine how different life might be if we took the time to ask and to consider of ourselves, and others, “Where are you?”

I imagine there would be fewer assumptions, judgments, and misinterpretations…fewer misunderstandings…less fear…and more love in the world.

Compass

Hitting the Pause Button…

Reflect

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence…We need silence to be able to touch souls.” – Mother Teresa

Of all that I am thankful for and all that I see as blessings from God, the capacity to reflect is at the top of the list. In the midst of a fast paced, multitasking, busy world, quiet, prayerful reflection and contemplation has been a huge gift in my life, and from what I have witnessed as a family member, friend, and spiritual director, it has been a gift in the lives of countless others as well.

The first step is in the ability and the choice to pause. Sometimes the first step can be the hardest, especially with all that goes on between work, family, and everyday life. However, experience has taught me that I need to make a conscious decision to pause on a regular basis. For when I am on the go, in motion, it is hard or even impossible at times, to notice what I am being called to, to be open to a change in course or a new road ahead, or simply to be aware of and grateful for God’s presence and the blessings all around me.

I cannot ponder in my heart and mind without first putting the brakes on, lowering the volume, slowing down, and sometimes, completely coming to a prolonged stop. It is in these quiet moments, where I find myself best able to take a step back, to take a breath, and to truly leave room to listen and to be attentive to the deepest stirrings of my soul; the meeting place within. It is in these moments, that I find myself most open and reflective. It is in contemplation that I come to see that it matters not whether I go to the left, to the right, up ahead, behind, or way over there, but that what matters most is my openness to God…to the Truth…to the best course of action, or inaction, in the eyes of God.

When I think back over my life, I feel gratitude for moments of prayerful reflection and contemplation, moments where through Divine grace, I was able to let go of any agenda or notions to which I may have been holding on to, whether consciously or subconsciously, and to be aware and open to whatever may be. I can see clearly that these moments have been ones in which I have felt a deep sense of unity with God and the world around me. I have also felt a deep sense of peace and joy, regardless of the situation, circumstances or what ended up happening. It has been through these moments of reflection, in giving prayerful pause and taking a step away, that I am able to remain centered and rooted in God, stepping back into the world without being overcome by it.