Author: Carissa A. Kane

Carissa A. Kanehttps://hopethatfloats.wordpress.comI am passionate about spirituality and the journey to deepen and grow in relationship with God. My desire to live a life rooted in the Divine, and to journey with others who wish to do so, has grown, as have I, through the joys and sorrows, the struggles, victories and challenges of life. I feel blessed to be a child of God, wife, mother, writer, spiritual director, and retreat director.
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Course Correction…

Sometimes I can be jogging along the road, running straight ahead, focused on the finished line or getting to the next step, and before I know it, I am on my own. Somehow I have managed to veer off course. When that happens, I’m left scratching my head and wondering, “How did that happen? Where did God and I part ways?” Maybe God took a breather or a right turn a few blocks back, and somehow, I was “in the zone” moving along with zeal and completely missing the fact that the course had changed, or that it was not a straight line from point A to point B.

It can be so challenging, and downright difficult, to be filled with the desire, enthusiasm, and passion to get to point B only to find that, not only is point B a moving target, but that point B also seemingly moves without any rhyme or reason. When I feel so called to something, my prayer and reflection points to it, and comments and feedback from others support me moving in that direction, it can be so trying when that thing seems so close, but then turns out to seem far beyond reach. I can’t help but wonder, “What the heck! I thought we were on the same page!” Frustration would be a mild term for the feeling.

When that happens, it is like a flashing red light appears and I can almost hear “wheeee-oooooo,” “wheeee-oooooo,” “wheeee-oooooo,” beckoning me to put the brakes on and pull over to the side. As much as I might prefer to charge ahead, after all this is the course. It has already been decided! (Or, has it?)

I find it is only by coming to a standstill and regrouping with God, and sometimes also with the help of close family or friends, that I am able to take a deep breath and to move toward accepting that perhaps, the time has not yet arrived. I recall the past, and the things that God has made possible in my life, even when they seemed so far out of reach. I am reminded that nothing is impossible for God, that God really does know best, and that I need to let these experiences help me to keep trusting that God is with me, and that God’s timing is impeccable. With this, I feel grateful once again and am able to say, “Okay, God. I’m ready to get back on track. I’m ready to take it slow. You lead and I will follow. Let’s walk on.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-8L3GO1-CI

Letting God Out of the Box…

Driving the length of the New Jersey Turnpike with the many exits, all numbered and some with A, B, or C, E or W tacked on after the number, I take notice of all the different roads that one might choose. I think of all the different paths and possibilities throughout life, not only for me and my husband, but also for our children. As we navigate the challenges, the joys and the sorrows of life, and the busyness of the world in which we live, it seems the best thing my husband and I can do for ourselves and our children, is to help them to know about God and to teach and encourage them to pray; that is, to help them to have a relationship with God. In fact, of all the things my husband and I might give to our son and daughter, or that they might acquire for themselves, prayer and relationship with God is the one thing that no one can ever take away from them.

Looking out the window as we continue to drive along, I think back to a time, when prayer in my life was just a cursory thing and relationship with God was a foreign concept. I recall one day, thinking and feeling that God was so distant…so far removed. Did God even care about the daily happenings of my life? Weren’t they too small for God compared to all other things?

I recall a conversation in which it became clear to me that my ongoing restlessness probably had something to do with where I was placing God in my life. If my life was a baseball diamond, it was as if God was way over in the bullpen, on standby, instead of behind the plate, calling the pitches. I started to think about, and to imagine, what it might be like to have God leading the way. The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel like I wanted God to be at the center of my life. The only problem was that I didn’t know where to begin. Other than attending Sunday Mass, praying before meals, and thanking God for all that I had and praying for other people at bedtime, I wasn’t aware that there were other ways of praying, or even that it was okay for me to pray for myself.

At the suggestion of a good friend, and the encouragement of a Spiritual Director, though, I began by simply spending more time in conversation with God. At first, just talking to God, wherever and whenever, seemed strange to me. So I started by going to daily Mass as often as I could and somewhere in the time leading up to Communion I would express my desire for God to be at the center of my life and for God to guide me and lead me. As time went on, I found myself more at ease and wanting to know more about God and God’s Word. I started to spend more time reading Scripture and praying with Scripture; setting aside time for quiet reflection and asking God to help me to see and hear more clearly. I also started to become more familiar with other parishioners and one day, one of the women at daily Mass asked me if I wanted to go downstairs after Mass for the women’s prayer group. I was unsure, but decided to give it a try, and before long it became a regular weekly activity.

What I did not know then, was that God was answering my prayers. God was placing me with people who, through prayer and sharing, were helping me to witness God and God’s ways in everyday life, making God seem closer than ever. In the years since I first had that conversation about God being in the bullpen, I have developed a relationship with God that is far greater than I could have ever imagined. It is like having the best GPS one could ever have.

NJTP

The Gift…

I’ll never forget being told one day, “Well…you know, you were created to be a saint.” I remember thinking to myself, “Huh? Yeah, right.” I must have looked at the person funny while I was thinking that, because he smiled at me and said, “Yes. You were created to be a saint. It’s true! You were created in God’s image, you were created holy and to be with God. We all are.”

My reaction – “Wow!” This person was being serious. I recall feeling somewhat amazed. The more I thought about it though, I felt almost embarrassed, like I had missed this really important piece of information. I felt like it was something that should have been obvious to me, but it wasn’t, because up until that point, I had never heard those words before. Here I was, in my 30’s, and despite years of attending Liturgy (or Mass), week in and week out, neither these words nor anything resembling them had ever been called to my attention or directed to me before that day.

While these words may seem obvious to some, it had never occurred to me and having someone speak these words to me out loud was so profound. It was a moment I will never forget; it definitely changed me, and the way I have seen myself, others, and the world around me. It inspired me to try to be a better person.

Growing up, I attended religious education religiously from kindergarten through high school.  Every Sunday throughout the school year we had Sunday school followed by Liturgy. Once the school year was over, we got to sleep a little later, before leaving the house to get to Liturgy.

One very snowy Sunday morning, I recall our car, with my parents and siblings packed inside, sliding all the way along the VFW Parkway as we made our way to West Roxbury. I was probably only 8 or 9 at the time and the ride was rather scary. We were all very quiet as my father maneuvered the car. When we got there though, I remember there was only my family and the family bringing donuts for the coffee hour. As a child, I was excited that Sunday school was canceled and we got to eat donuts (usually reserved for the adults who had coffee hour while we were in Sunday school) as we waited and people gradually arrived for Liturgy.  I remember other times when it was pouring rain and there were huge puddles on the parkway. We literally attended every week, rain or shine, sleet or snow. As I think back, I find myself marveling. There’s no way that could’ve been convenient for the parents of 6 children!

While I never learned as a child that I was created to be a saint (maybe that was the lesson I missed that snowy day that we sat eating donuts with the Kfoury family), I will never forget the memories of going to church every week with my family and the faces of the families with whom we worshipped. I learned the importance of being family and coming together to celebrate and give thanks to God not only with my family, but also alongside other families. I witnessed and learned about commitment and dedication. I learned how to be faithful. Or rather, my parents, whether they knew it or not, and whether it was convenient or not, by their example, were teaching me how to be faithful.

I feel very blessed to have had that experience growing up and while I may have not liked it at times, or may have fallen away from it or taken it for granted on the way to adulthood, the memories of all those Sundays formed a foundation that has always pointed me back home…back to the center…back to the One without whom I am nothing…back to God.

PalmCrossesB

Ring A New Song…

A number of years ago, I saw an announcement looking for bell ringers for a hand bell choir that was starting up at my church. I remember being interested, but also being mindful of the fact that despite my love for listening to music, I did not know the slightest thing about reading music.

As I was contemplating whether I should contact the music director, I thought of my younger brother, Douglas, who had passed away a month earlier. August would be approaching soon and he would have been turning 38. He was such a kid at heart and always had a “can do” attitude and a sense of excitement, enthusiasm and optimism about him. Some, even I at times, thought him to be naïve, but in hindsight, I now know that he was anything but naïve. He was living life to the fullest, and what a blessing, especially because in 37 years, one could say that Douglas lived a full life.

As I sat there, bell choir announcement in hand, I could picture his beautiful face with that mischievous grin and sense his gentle, loving soul nudging me to ignore the voice that was saying, “You don’t even know how to read music!” Nudging me to try something totally new; not to sing a new song, but to ring a new song.

That night I sent a message to the music director introducing myself and explaining my interest and that I could not read music at all. I was pleasantly surprised when her response indicated that despite my music reading ability (or inability in this case) I was welcome; she could teach me what I needed to know. With that, I decided to give it a try, and what a blessing it has been.

In the time I have been in the bell choir, not only have I learned to read music with the help of a music director who is probably one of the most patient, encouraging, and optimistic people I know, but I have also become part of a supportive, nurturing, lively and fun group of bell ringers. I could have never imagined what a gift being in the bell choir was going to be when I first started. In fact, I got off to a bumpy start. I felt completely inept in the beginning. It did not come easy to me at all and that was hard for me to accept; I had never really stuck with anything that I was not particularly good at before this experience. Looking back, I feel so grateful for the patience and encouragement of the music director as well as for being part of a group that was, and continues to be, pretty much easy going as we all learned to ring better and work together.

All of that seems so long ago now. When I think about it though, I am so glad that I gave the thing that initially seemed ridiculous to even try, a chance…a ring. Whether at rehearsal or during Mass I find it so uplifting now; it puts a hop in my step and joy in my heart.  Who would have ever thought I would find ringing bells so peaceful and calming, and so life giving? I certainly did not…but my brother did!

Thank you Douglas, for teaching your older sister (I know, barely that much older) a new song. Every time we ring a piece that has a mallet section, I use the mallets as if they are drumsticks and imagine you and me, again, as children, playing the drums together.

BellsMallets

What Would “I” See If I Was Blind

Picture the commotion and busyness of a commuter rail or train station during high traffic hours; perhaps the beginning of the day, lunchtime, or early evening. Now imagine what it might be like if you sat on the ground and closed your eyes as people continued about their business. What would it be like to hear all the noise around you and maybe even to have people bumping into you or falling over you as they went about their way?

Personally, I don’t think I would be able to keep my eyes closed. What if I had no choice though?

As I reflect on the story of Bartimaeus, the blind beggar in the Gospel according to Mark (chapter 10, verses 46-52), I find it interesting how Bartimaeus, a blind man and a beggar, who is probably not a sight for sore eyes, can recognize the truth and see more clearly than those who have their sight.

I wonder, even though I have my sight, are there people or things that I choose not to see or that I readily look past or dismiss as not being important? What would it be like if I looked more closely and gave them further consideration?

I imagine the crowd, or at least a good number of them, is used to seeing Bartimaeus begging at the roadside and has probably learned to look past him. Maybe the only reason they notice him today is because he is louder or more assertive than usual. They don’t see today as being any different in terms of Bartimaeus’ role. He’s the blind beggar to them, and he could never be, or do, anything else.

Jesus doesn’t look past Bartimaeus though. Jesus isn’t dismissive of him the way the crowd is. To Jesus, Bartimaeus is much more than his blindness. And to Bartimaeus, Jesus is much more than a teacher, or a miracle worker. He is his Savior. Bartimaeus knows it in his heart and soul even before his sight is restored.

So even though Bartimaeus cannot see where Jesus is and people around him are trying to shut him up, he is not distracted from the truth. Bartimaeus wants to see and he knows that Jesus can help him to see. He is persistent and holds on to his desire (to see Jesus, who is the Truth, the Life, the Light and the Way).

Jesus hears Bartimaeus and beckons him. Bartimaeus listens and responds. He still can’t see where Jesus is at this point, but his faith has enabled him to see…to know…to believe who Jesus is.

Next, Jesus asks Bartimaeus, “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus doesn’t make any assumptions about Bartimaeus, the way the crowd does. He allows Bartimaeus to be who he is and to express in his own words and in his own way, what it is that he desires of Jesus. There is freedom within the relationship, thru and thru. How wonderful!?!

This is something we see time and again throughout the Gospels. Jesus doesn’t force himself on others, but he does avail himself, and all He embodies (love, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and more) to those who are downtrodden, to those who call out to Him, and to those who approach Him, bearing their heart and soul, with faith, and with an openness. Jesus meets them, and us, where we are, up close and personal. Without judgment, without reservation, and He gives us the freedom to be who we are. Wanting to be a source of hope and promise, strength and courage. Encouraging us and helping us to face and to get through, or at times to completely overcome, whatever the obstacle, whatever the hurdle, whatever the challenge we have.

How can we do the same for others? What gets in the way?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbihOyKIvi8

Living in a Veruca Salt World…

All I have to do is to go online, put the TV or radio on, or take a drive and within seconds, maybe sometimes a minute or two, I see or hear something or someone broadcasting the latest “must have” gadget, food or drink, or experience that will make me and my life faster, better, more attractive, happier, or more complete. And, not only should I be excited that this gadget, food, drink, or experience exists, but also that I can have it in what seems like a thousand different colors, flavors, or variations. And that’s not it, there’s more! It doesn’t matter if I can really afford it because I can finance it or pay for it in about ten different ways.

I wonder though, is this really good for me? There are studies that show, the more choices we have, the harder it is to make a good choice or decision. One that will be truly satisfying; that is, one that will not cause some sort of unrest after the fact.

Also, by having so many choices, I am more likely to expect that there is nothing that I shouldn’t be able to have “my way.” It becomes easier to think, “I am in control and there is nothing that should be beyond my control.” When I can almost always have what I want, when I want it, and how I want it, it also becomes harder to recognize when I am not being tolerant…patient…kind…or understanding. It becomes harder to look beyond myself and to see when I am not taking others into consideration, being present to them, and their needs.

It’s like I am constantly being told, “It’s all about me!” When just about everything I could possibly want, regardless of whether or not I actually need it, is at my fingertips, there is no need to give pause, to hold off, or to sacrifice. I can have it all, right here, and right now.

As I sit with the verse, “Zeal for your house will consume me.” (Jn 2:17), I think about the meaning of the word “zeal” (intensity, desire, passion) and the word “consume” (use up, eat or drink, spend wastefully, devour, squander). I look around, and I see, when I am consumed with myself, there is little to no room for God, or for anyone else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRTkCHE1sS4

No Man (Woman or Child) Is An Island…

Sometimes the idea of being on an island can be very appealing. It carries with it the image of being away or at a distance. Somehow it can seem safe and perhaps a way to hold onto a sense of peace and to preserve oneself from the busyness and, at times chaos, of the world around us.

When Peter says to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here! Let us make three tents: one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” (Mark 9:5), I envision Peter recognizing that this (the Transfiguration) is a sacred moment…One to be held onto, preserved, and honored. What better way than to mark the spot of the occasion with tents? …a tent…a dwelling place.

That’s not God’s intent though. Yes, this is a special moment and definitely one to be remembered and cherished, but not in the physical or material sense. It is to dwell within the body, cherished in the heart and in the mind. And it is not to be left on the mountain, but to be carried back down into the flow of everyday life, enabling Peter, James and John, enabling us, to face the road ahead, changing the way we take in and respond to the everyday, eventually extending beyond us, sometimes by example, and sometimes by word.

Whether it is through mountaintop moments or subtle whisperings, that which begins as a private matter between us and God is strengthened and our faith truly flourishing when it is in relationship with God and with others; being there for each other, being with each other, being fully present in a gentle, caring and loving way.

Unity

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t8ORnWNSfQ – No Man Is An Island by Tenth Avenue North

Who is this guy?

This week I find myself wondering…How do I respond to “the new” and “the different”?

“After John had been arrested,
Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God:
‘This is the time of fulfillment.
The kingdom of God is at hand.
Repent, and believe in the gospel.’” – MK 1:14-15

John has been arrested and now Jesus shows up on the scene. What would my attitude be in this situation? If I had been a follower of John the Baptist, how would I have received and responded to “the new guy”?

I suspect I would have previously heard John saying that there was one to come after him, the one for whom he was preparing the way, but would I have recognized Jesus as the one about whom John was speaking?

As I put myself in this scene, I see and hear this guy, who not only looks very different, but also speaks and acts very differently than John. Would I have recognized his message as being the same message that John was speaking? Or, would I have been distracted by the fact that this new guy looked, and spoke, and acted in a manner so different from John?

Would I have given Jesus a chance?

As I look beyond this passage, I wonder, how do I receive and respond to “the new guy,” to the new and the different in my everyday life? More specifically, I think about my parish and the transition through which we are going.

The facts…We are now part of a collaborative; three parishes grouped together. We now have a single pastor responsible for all three churches. Altogether we have the pastor and two other priests who have accepted assignment to our collaborative. While for parishioners, the location remains the same, all three priests are new to the towns involved. On top of that, all three parishes, had previously had their own pastor. Each of whom had been in place for a good number of years. Long enough for everyone to be comfortable with each other.

So now, like John the Baptist’s followers, we are all in a new and different situation. All being asked to let go of the familiar and be open to the new and the different. All being asked to embrace change.

There may be new and different faces and schedules, but am I able to see and to stay connected to the fact that the message, the Good News…Eucharist…the desire to build community and to walk as God’s people, is the same? And, am I able to give the new and the different a chance to be new and different and, perhaps just as wonderful, maybe even better than the old?

JohnTheBaptist              Jesus

A Better Way…

As we trudged out into the snowy driveway once more, I felt somewhat defeated before we even began. The air was frigid and we were surrounded by snow in every direction, piled up six, seven, eight feet and more depending on which direction you looked. The feat for the morning was to try to knock down the snow banks at the end of the driveway. This way, we might be able to see the oncoming traffic on our busy street before pulling out to get to wherever we might need to go.

As I looked up at the snow banks, I felt like crying as I thought, “Oh God, we are drowning in snow! There’s nowhere to put it. I can’t take any more of this!” Then, after standing there for a few moments, I picked up the shovel and began to tackle my side of the driveway. (We had decided on the divide and conquer approach.) As I chopped away at the snow bank, lifting the shovel up and knocking down the snow from the top of the bank and then using the shovel to hoist it as far back as possible, I realized that this was not going to work for much longer. My way of trying to lift and then throw shovelfuls over such tall mounds of snow, was too hard. It was becoming clear very quickly that my way was not the best way. I was fighting a losing battle. I needed a new approach.

As I looked at the snow bank, an idea popped into my head. I immediately thought, “I can’t do that! I’m right next to the road…a busy road. The snow is not compacted enough. It’s not safe.” To which the response was, “Give it a try. It will be okay.”

As I looked to my left, I noticed the post for the mailbox, which I knew was cemented under the ground as well as surrounded by snow. So, after clearing some snow away from the top of the post, I began my ascent, feeling out the territory with each step so as to detect the soft spots without falling through. In what seemed like a couple of seconds, there I was, standing on what felt like the top of the world and with a new perspective.

It was a magical moment as I looked around at all of the snow…a sea of snow! The sun glistening across it, the sky a steady beautiful blue, and not a cloud in sight. My feeling of defeat replaced with hope and renewed strength. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

No longer bogged down, I was able to work faithfully to complete the task at hand, and with a sense of joy in my heart instead of dread. The task was no longer too big.

As I reflect back on this experience, I can’t help but think about how faithful God is to me and to all who call on God’s name. Not only helping us to see, when our way is not the way, but also guiding us and helping us to see a new way. A way that lifts our spirit, renews our strength, gives us hope, and helps us to remain faithful. How awesome is that? It’s much more than words can convey. It is indescribable!

For those interested in song, Indescribable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-zJHgaoVa4.

What to do???

One day about a year or two ago, my attention was captured by a ceramic piece. The thing that struck me about the image portrayed was the soldier who was nailing Jesus to the Cross. This man looked as if he was nailing two pieces of wood together; intent on doing the job. Although I had seen this ceramic piece many times before, I had never given any thought to the soldier in this scene.

On this particular day though, I couldn’t help but wonder about who this man was and how he could do such a thing. I thought, “How horrible! How could anyone do that to another human being?” Then the more I sat there and looked at this piece, a number of questions came to mind. Was this job of the man’s choosing or was he forced into it? What was his life experience and what led him to this particular moment? I imagined his heart had to be hardened in order to do the job he was doing. Was he devoid of all feeling of concern for others, though? Did he have a family? Was he loved? And did he love others?

As I sat there, after some time, I found myself thinking about some of the stories in the news and of current day perpetrators of violence. What happened to them along the way? Were they not also created in God’s image? What had they experienced that led them to embrace such ways?

This week, I find myself asking similar questions. I wonder how any person(s) could justify treating another person in such a way; beheading them or burning them alive. I wonder what happened to these people, and those leading them, that they have arrived at a place where their hearts allow them to perpetrate such acts?

I wonder…Are they so caught up in “the cause” that they have been blinded to the atrocity of their actions? Are they willingly committing these acts? Have they been coerced or misled? Or forced through fear for their own lives and those of their loved ones to join “the cause”? How did they get to this point? What has their experience been? In what kind of environment did they grown up and live?

When we look at the world today, there’s so much violence and wrongdoing that occurs. It’s upsetting and it can be all too easy to write off the perpetrators, dismissing them as lowly scum; hateful and vile. However, when we do this, we are playing into evil’s hand.

I know some might say, “Who cares!?!” thinking that the perpetrators deserve no consideration. However, I find that in asking these questions, I’m able to hold on to the truth of the matter. The perpetrators are human beings too. We all come into the world the same way; a clean slate…created in God’s image…capable of all that is good. Something or someone must have changed that for them, at one time or repeatedly. It is with these questions and this realization that I am able to feel compassion more than anger and disgust.

And, it is only then, that my heart is moved to pray for the perpetrators. For, while I may not be able to change the actions of others, nothing is impossible for God.

Please join me in praying…

For the victims of violence and terrorism, and for those who have embraced hatred and violence, that God may soften their hearts and change their ways, we pray to the Lord…

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