Journey

Somehow…Someway…

“But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.” – Richard Bach

As the school year winds down and the parental spiral into full-fledged teenage years moves steadily ahead, I find myself understanding more and more why it is important to write down, photograph…to memorialize in some way the moments of everyday life—both the challenges and the joys.

Sometimes I think back to the sleepless nights or days when it seemed like we were swimming in diapers and I think, “How did we get through that?” I chuckle as I remember moments of seeing glimpses of preferences, mannerisms and personality that are now more pronounced, part-and-parcel, of who my children are. What a blessing to be able to see and be part of all of those moments. Yes, even the diapers and sleepless nights—although I also feel very blessed to have moved beyond that stage of parenthood.

No matter what one’s stage or station in life, it can be so helpful to recall past moments when feeling uncertain, overwhelmed or simply wondering, “How is this going to work out?” or, “What’s this all about?” in the current moment or situation. Somehow, doing so makes it easier to keep things in perspective and refrain from falling prey to the trap that is “worry” or the superhero syndrome that leads me to falsely thinking or acting as if I can control all things.

It is remarkable how, somehow, we can get through what we need to get through and someway we accomplish and overcome what at times might seem insurmountable. Then I think, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” (Luke 7:50)

A Needle Pulling Thread…

At times, it can seem like there is a pervasive parasite on the face of society…a force intent on squashing any semblance of collaboration and working with, and out of, a spirit of love. These days it seems to be so rampant, penetrating more and more organizations. It can be disheartening to be involved in organizations where there has been a shift away from what originally drew one to become involved.

It can be challenging when what was once open and above board becomes secretive and closed off or when a place becomes one where who one knows or what one owns holds more weight than doing the work to be done. Even more than trying, it can be downright troubling, in an environment where one would expect the very opposite of what is experienced…sad to feel like one can no longer be involved in something that once brought great joy, meaning and sense of purpose.

So while one may become stuck in the muck that seems to rule the day—politics and ego…territorialism…greed…jealousy, etc.—or surrounded by it, one may also detach from it and look to do good in other ways and in other places. Doing what one can, where one can, as one can, and then perhaps, moving on.

The other day I was speaking with a lifelong friend and she was telling me about some sewing she had done for her niece. She was commenting on how she enjoyed what she had done and was surprised at how the little work she had done (in her eyes) seemed to bring much joy to her niece who was thrilled with the new hemline on her dress. My friend sewed that hemline with joy and love in her heart and her niece received it in kind.

It was uplifting to hear my friend speak of this simple experience. As I listened to her, and in light of some of our prior conversation, I thought, “That is God’s work.” It is not necessarily in a building, through an organization, or even in big things noticeable far and wide, but so often in the little things done with love and joy, and with sincerity in one’s heart.

NeedlePullingThread

We Have Each Other…

About 15 years ago, my husband and I attended a party celebrating the anniversary of one of our relatives. It was a joyous occasion for a person who has been fulfilling her vocation with great devotion and passion, and most often with a smile on her face. At the end of our time together and as we were exchanging hugs and “so longs,” she said to us, “thank you for coming, for being part of this occasion. Did you get your gift?” We had not, but almost as soon as our faces shifted to what must have been quizzical expressions, she was off to get the gift, and before we knew it, we had it. The gift, a framed saying – “Joy shared is joy multiplied” – so appropriate for the person who gave it and the occasion on which it was given.

JoyShared

Over the past week, this saying and different variations of it have come to mind so frequently, across a number of settings. As I have stayed with it, I am reminded how through the years, in sharing, most definitely, joy has been multiplied, grief has been made bearable, and faith has been strengthened. As I look around, it seems we have everything we need…we have each other.

You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban 

When I am down and, oh, my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up to more than I can be.

 

 

Gifts from God are Everlasting…

About a week ago, it was the month and date of the last time I was together with all of my siblings. A number of us had traveled a good distance south to be there. The six of us were present and engaged, laughing and talking with each other.

I don’t recall what the weather was like that day, but the sun was shining. At least I remember feeling that way…surrounded by warmth and love. We were gathered in a room, eating lunch and spending time together prior to the youngest of us starting preparations for another bone marrow transplant. Despite the impending procedure, I recall feeling joy in the moments of our togetherness.

Our time together that day ended and some of us returned north. Afterward, I spoke with my younger brother by phone. We were talking about our lunch together with all of our older siblings. We spoke about how much we enjoyed being together. Then he said, “I wish we could be together all the time.” I remember saying, “Yeah, but we would probably get on each other’s nerves if we were together all the time.” Then we joked about how it would be fine as long as we had space to retreat to, we could live on a cul-de-sac with a house for each of us, numbered 1 through 6 of course…we laughed. Growing up many a thing was labeled with our birth order number so as for us to easily identify our belongings.

While seven years have passed now since that day in May, sometimes it seems as if it were just yesterday. None of us knew that day, that the next time we would be together would come so soon…and with one less voice. My brother passed away a little more than a month later.

Every year around the anniversary of that day, I feel such sadness and heartache at first. Then, as I recall the day and the spirit in which we were together I feel so grateful for that one last time all together, and all the days we had together leading up to it. Each time I recall that experience, or any other time with my younger brother, I can picture his handsome face and mischievous smile. It is as if, in that moment, our spirits bow to each other and I know he lives on…encouraging me to remember there is beauty in each moment…to embrace and cherish it. Reminding me that what really matters cannot be taken away, not even by death.

One Voice by The Wailin’ Jennys – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc6HloRYZGc

This is the sound of one voice
One spirit, one voice
The sound of one who makes a choice
This is the sound of one voice

This is the sound of voices two
The sound of me singing with you
Helping each other to make it through
This is the sound of voices two

This is the sound of voices three
Singing together in harmony
Surrendering to the mystery
This is the sound of voices three

This is the sound of all of us
Singing with love and the will to trust
Leave the rest behind it will turn to dust
This is the sound of all of us

This is the sound of one voice
One people, one voice
A song for every one of us
This is the sound of one voice

This is the sound of one voice

DJM2Drum

It is not fair…thank God!

At times, it can be easy to be lured into a false sense of security….enticed to be surface-centered…tricked into thinking that value and uniqueness lay in external things rather than in substance and being. Almost constantly challenged and urged to move faster, to be first, to be best, always to be and do more. We are surrounded by rapid change and quick-fire solutions many of which make things different, but not necessarily better.

In the midst of all the flux though, certain truths remain the same. For starters, life is not fair. We can try to understand, but we never really know all the reasons why things work out the way they do. Most often, though, there are hidden or unexpected gifts in the things that do not go as hoped for or planned.

Around the time of my college graduation, I was not sure what I wanted to do. I had no job lined up. I planned to take the summer off. In the weeks that followed graduation, almost every day I would go for a run. One day as I was jogging I decided I was going to enter the Army. Soon after, I took a test and filled out paper work. I felt very strongly that being in the Army was for me and would be good for me. I felt so excited for what might lay ahead. I had a vision of all that could be…a path to follow. Then, I received a call notifying me that for a medical reason, I could not enter the Army. I felt extremely disappointed, and once again I had no idea what I was going to do.

A few months later, though, I got an entry level job at a company for which one of my brothers-in-law worked. I worked on the 9th floor with eyes toward being on the 10th floor or above. Those were the floors with more prestigious jobs.

There I was on the 9th floor with a number of other recent grads and people close to my age. As time progressed, there was a group of us who started to go to lunch together, and sometimes to happy hours on Friday nights. Wanting to be in the Army became a distant memory and was replaced with a new desire to rise to the top. I had a new path, or so I thought. Meanwhile, from within that lunch bunch and happy hour gang, I would gain a fantasy football team partner. One with whom I shared laughter and had lively discussions over the course of the football season and the months that followed. Little did I know, I had met my soulmate. I was not looking for one. It just happened, and when it did, I chose a new path.

When I think back to how it all unfolded, I feel amazed that it all started with life being unfair. Then I realize, more often than not, it ends up being glorious beyond compare.

“In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.” – St. John of the Cross

DaffodilCAK

 

Connections; Key Along the Way…

ConnectionsTree

Ezekiel connected dem dry bones,
Ezekiel connected dem dry bones,
Ezekiel in the Valley of Dry Bones,
Now hear the word of the Lord.

Toe bone connected to the foot bone
Foot bone connected to the heel bone
Heel bone connected to the ankle bone
Ankle bone connected to the shin bone
Shin bone connected to the knee bone
Knee bone connected to the thigh bone
Thigh bone connected to the hip bone
Hip bone connected to the back bone
Back bone connected to the shoulder bone
Shoulder bone connected to the neck bone
Neck bone connected to the head bone
Now hear the word of the Lord.

Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around.
Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around.
Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around.
Now hear the word of the Lord.

—“Dem Bones” by James Weldon Johnson

Connections are vital for all living things. Our connections to people, places, and things often have great impact on our decisions and choices as we journey through life. Sometimes this can be a good thing, leading us to greater union with the Divine. Other times it can be a bad thing, pulling us away or clouding our vision from that which would lead us closer to God.

Whether someone of great experience or someone just starting out on her or his spiritual journey, like Ezekiel, we can all find ourselves in a valley of dry bones. It can be within us or around us. No matter how advanced we are—or we might think we are—if we are being honest, none of us are immune.

What exactly are dry bones? To me, dry bones are bones that cease to be aware or to be open to experiencing or learning something new. Dry bones shut out and close down. But dry bones are not hopeless or beyond repair. The choice is theirs.

It is only through slowing down and taking a closer look that we are able discover which connections are helpful and healthy, which might require some work, and which ones may be faulty or have become blocked and are no longer life-giving. None of this is possible though, without the most important part, listening, and the most important connection, “Now hear the word of the Lord.”

Bones full of life, rooted and strengthened or renewed in God, remain hopeful, see possibility, and recognize importance in both the big and the small. Bones full of life know that no connection is wasted and that each one holds something sacred. “Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!”

*The above is adapted from a post that I wrote for Spiritual Directors International’s blog and that was published on April 20.

 

 

Feed…Tend…Feed…

It is interesting to look at what goes on around us today through the lens of what transpired long ago. In one of his appearances after the Resurrection, the third time he appears to his disciples, Jesus has an interaction with Peter that affectively provides a bridge for Peter from his 3 denials of knowing Jesus to him fully embracing his role as a leader. (John 21:1-19)

Jesus says to Peter three times, “Do you love me?” When Peter answers each time in the affirmative, Jesus responds, “Feed my lambs,” “Tend my sheep,” and “Feed my sheep” respectively.

Jesus says, “Feed my lambs,” not “count them.”

Everywhere we go, we are numbered. We are given an identification number at birth or at a young age, a driver’s license number, a student ID number, a medical record number, etc. Numbers are all around us. How much, though, do numbers interfere with our spiritual life? There is another scripture passage where Jesus says, “where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them (Matthew 18:20). It seems, as with most matters, quality or substance (“gathered in my name”) outweighs quantity. We can all probably point to an experience(s) in our lives where our heart was moved and our attention captured by what was going on more than the dollars or the ticker counts. We live in a world where it can be tempting, a lot of the time, to focus on numbers or quantity over substance. Yet, time and time again, we can see examples throughout history that show us that numbers without substance (authentic, engaging and varied), usually become a passing fad rather than everlasting. Jesus says, “Feed my lambs,” not “count them.”

Jesus says, “Tend my sheep,” not “corral them.”

How do I take care of that which I have been given? According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of the word “tend” is “to move, direct, or develop one’s course in a particular direction.” If we are to take the example of Jesus and the call to discipleship, to tend His sheep would be to move, lead, or develop them in the direction of God. This is not the same thing as “corralling” (to gather into a pen or enclosure for confinement or capturing). We are not called to all line-up, speak the same, look the same, act the same, and to be the same. To “tend” is to nurture and to allow room to grow into one’s true self. Tending can be accomplished in countless ways. I have only to look at my experiences tending and being tended to, to see that there is more than one way, time or place to “tend.” Jesus says, “Tend my sheep,” not “corral them.”

Jesus says, “Feed my sheep,” not “shear them.”

Jesus uses the word “feed” again, emphasizing the importance of “feeding” which is an act of providing…providing for the benefit, development, sustenance, and well-being of. There are many sheep in the fold and Jesus instructs Peter, a second time, to provide for them…not to take from them. As the shepherd feeds the sheep, guides them, and protects them, the sheep grow strong and healthy. Their wool grows thick and is plentiful. If the shepherd continually shears the sheep, neglecting to properly feed and tend them as well, the wool becomes thinner and thinner, until it is gone. Jesus says, “Feed my sheep,” not “shear them.”

LakeMassapoag2

“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by “I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.” ― Mother Teresa

Without doubt, does seeing really lead to believing?

“I won’t believe it until I see it.” While society has taken the disciple Thomas and uses him as an example of what not to be like. One has to stop and think about the fact that the scripture passage in which Thomas says, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” reveals so much more than “don’t be a doubting Thomas.”

The disciples are locked away in the upper room, but Thomas isn’t with them when Jesus appears. This suggests that Thomas had to have some level of courage and faith to have left the safety of the upper room where they had all been hiding out of fear.

Also, given all of the circumstances, it seems reasonable that Thomas, or anyone in his shoes, would question or have a hard time believing that Jesus appeared. Scripture states that Jesus showed his hands and his side to the disciples who were there in the upper room. This is curious. The other disciples had the benefit of not only seeing Jesus, but also seeing proof that it was really Jesus. Thomas did not have either. Jesus showed the disciples his hands and his side without them asking for proof. In essence, they are no different than Thomas, they did not believe without seeing either.

I cannot help but wonder if this passage would even be in the Bible if Thomas was not honest about his doubt, and instead responded, “How wonderful!” when the disciples told him that Jesus appeared to them. Thomas’ honesty is striking. He did not hide his doubt, but instead he was truthful, he made himself vulnerable, and gave voice to it.

As a result, look at what happens. Jesus appears again, a week later, to the disciples, including Thomas. While Jesus speaks about believing without seeing, He is not mad at Thomas and doesn’t kick him out of the “posse” for his doubt. Instead, Jesus meets Thomas where he is and gives him what he needs to believe and to trust. Jesus reveals the truth directly to him. Had Thomas denied or hidden his doubt…had he not given voice to it, the outcome would have been much different. Thomas would not have shared the experience of the Risen Lord in the upper room.

So, does seeing really lead to believing? No, but experience does.

“The key to wisdom is this – constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question and by questioning we arrive at the truth.” – Peter Abelard, philosopher and theologian

Doubting_Thomas_By_Guercino
Doubting Thomas by Guercino

On the evening of that first day of the week,
when the doors were locked, where the disciples were,
for fear of the Jews,
Jesus came and stood in their midst
and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side.
The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.
Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you.
As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”
And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them,
“Receive the Holy Spirit.
Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them,
and whose sins you retain are retained.”

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve,
was not with them when Jesus came.
So the other disciples said to him, “We have seen the Lord.”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands
and put my finger into the nailmarks
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

Now a week later his disciples were again inside
and Thomas was with them.
Jesus came, although the doors were locked,
and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”
Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands,
and bring your hand and put it into my side,
and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”
Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me?
Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples
that are not written in this book.
But these are written that you may come to believe
that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God,
and that through this belief you may have life in his name.

-John 20:19-31

May’s Way…

It is interesting how people come into our lives who, at times, remind us of those who went before us. A number of years ago, I recall feeling amazed one day as I realized how many women named Mary had recently come into my life. It was as if a whole army of warm, welcoming, faith-filled Marys were suddenly in my life. They were from different walks of life, but all named Mary, and all of them brought a smile, wisdom and a sense of peace with them.

As I sat in awe with this realization, tears came to my eyes and I thought of my Auntie May, named Mary at birth. The first Mary I ever knew and loved with all of my heart. She was a fixture of love from as far back as I can remember…gentle and faith-filled.

Auntie May…I can still see her beautiful face and hear her wise, calming voice. “Hi doll,” together with an embrace that felt so warm and loving. I can still see her beautiful fingers. She would take my hand and hold it between hers as we exchanged greetings. I could feel the love and care in her hands, the same hands that made such wonderful food—kibbe, cinnamon twists, and so much more.

I remember sitting, as a young child and as I grew in age, listening to her and the other adults speak. She spoke with such clarity and with a passion for all that is right and just, for all that is good and true. She was so knowledgeable, but at the same time so down to earth. She was a very interesting person, not to mention her sense of humor; and though she was gentle, she could be stern, too. She knew when to speak softly and when to speak more firmly and with greater conviction. She had such an amazing spirit…striking…so nurturing and life giving.

Auntie May, and all the Marys who followed, reminding me of all that was and all that is. It is fascinating how God sends people into our lives to help us or challenge us, as well as for us to help…sometimes simply by being ourselves.

There is a saying that the best thing one can do is to be one’s true self. That is, as one becomes more and more authentic, she or he makes a difference simply by being. There is an energy or a vibe, when being true to oneself, that extends without effort as we go about day to day activities.

As layers are peeled back and one uncovers or moves closer to her or his true self, we are summoned or we gravitate toward our true calling or vocation(s) within our life and within each situation. Connected to that call, to the source of that call, and continuing to remain faithful to it, the energy or the spirit remains, flowing through and radiating out with benefit for all with whom we interact.

So, while my Auntie May, may have been different things to different people throughout her life, she was true to herself and the love, spirit and energy that she brought to each thing she did and each role she fulfilled, remained the same. What was even more special was that she realized it was not hers to keep and that it could only continue by her letting go and letting flow as she went about her way.

A_White_Chrysanthemum

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” – St. Catherine of Siena

 

A Regular Joe…

Joseph, the carpenter, faithful servant of the Lord, took Mary into his home as his wife and named his son Jesus.

Joseph, faithful servant of the Lord, took Mary and Jesus and fled to Egypt in the middle of the night, remaining there until the appointed time then returning to Nazareth.

Joseph, faithful servant of the Lord, husband of Mary, the mother of God, earthly father of Jesus, the Son of God, lived his faith.

Joseph, faithful servant of the Lord, did all that was spoken to him by the Angel of God.

St. Joseph, the patron Saint of the Universal Church, unborn children, fathers, workers, travelers, immigrants, and a happy death. We do not know much about St. Joseph. Not knowing much though is intriguing, because Joseph could be any of us—a “regular Joe” capable through his faith and God’s grace of facing the challenges of his life and the times in which he lived.

Perhaps, the best place to start though is with what we do know about St. Joseph. We know that he was a carpenter (MT 13:54-55). However, according to scholars the Greek word “Tekton” would have been used to describe Joseph, meaning that he was a craftsman or contractor; someone very skilled at working with wood, stones, and metals. It is also likely that he traveled quite a bit to seek work.

We also know from Bible verses, that St. Joseph was a husband (the husband of Mary the Blessed Virgin) and he was the “foster” or earthly father of Jesus. These two pieces of information, along with the fact that he was a working class man not only make St. Joseph relatable, but they also suggest he was a person of great faith, courage and wisdom. Think about it…the husband of Mary, the mother of God, and the earthly father of Jesus, the son of God.

From the passages in the Bible, we can also see ways that Joseph’s life and his choices exemplify those of someone striving to be faithful to God. We know that he had dreams in which he was visited by an Angel of God telling him to not be afraid to marry Mary (that she had conceived by the Holy Spirit), a dream to flee to Egypt, and then to return from Egypt. We know that Joseph listened, trusted and did as the Angel of God instructed in each case – Joseph married Mary, named his son Jesus, fled to Egypt, and later returned to Nazareth in Galilee all upon the instruction of the Angel of the Lord in dreams.

We can also see wisdom in the spiritual work of mercy exhibited by Joseph in bearing patience against wrongdoing or perceived wrongdoing. Mary, his betrothed, is found to be pregnant, yet they had not had any relations yet. We can only imagine what Joseph’s first thoughts to this news were. I doubt anyone would have trouble understanding if he was livid and decided to leave Mary. Also in that day and time in history, it would have been well within societal expectations for Mary to be stoned to death. Yet, here we have Joseph, deciding to quietly divorce Mary, not wanting her to be harmed. Despite what must have seemed and felt like a “betrayal,” he saw it in his heart, to show mercy and compassion. Joseph’s response, even before a visitation from the Angel of God, is remarkable and seems one only possible by someone very prayerful and inspired by God.

It leaves one to wonder, how am I able to show mercy when I am wronged? How am I able to be patient and to persevere? How can I, how can we, use St. Joseph as a model?

In each of the situations described in Scripture, Joseph dies unto himself, sacrifices and cooperates with God’s will. He shows openness to and focus on God’s will at each point. He was able to survive and make it through difficult and challenging circumstances such as the journey to Bethlehem with an expecting Mary. The journey to Bethlehem would not have been an easy one. Then there is the impending birth of Jesus with nowhere to stay, the flight to Egypt, the journey back to Nazareth and beyond.

How can we have the faith and patience of Joseph? How can we, like Joseph, recognize and accept that things happen in God’s time, not according to our time, and to remember that God is faithful to those who are faithful to God? Do I remind myself of the ways that God has been faithful to and patient with me along my journey so far? Do I allow past experiences to help me to remain patient and faithful, and to continue to trust in God and in God’s timing?

Joseph wasn’t given explicit plans or an outline of all that would happen in the dreams he had. In the Gospel of Luke, chapter 2, we are told that Jesus is laid in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. We are also told at the presentation of Jesus in the temple that Simeon tells Mary and Joseph that Jesus would be glory for God’s people and that Mary’s heart would be pierced. It then says, “The child’s father and mother were amazed at what was said about him.” Joseph and Mary didn’t know all that was going to happen.

When we look at Joseph, he was just given a basic directive in his dreams…take Mary as your wife…flee to Egypt. He listened and let God lead him. He had faith in God, faith that we can only assume grew with each event in his life and most especially through the birth of Jesus and all that transpired in the time after his birth.

Martin Luther King said, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” That’s the hard part, the “not knowing.” If we knew all the details of what was going to happen, it might be very easy to be patient, to let go of wrongdoings and to trust in God and in God’s plan.

Faith…trusting even when we cannot see the next step…trusting that it will be there when it is time to take that step. Waiting until it is there, taking direction from God and acting once the step appears and the way is made clear. St. Joseph, from what we know of him, did all of this.

It is more likely than not, especially at that time in history, as a father, Joseph not only provided for and protected his family, but also led his family in the observance of prayer and religious custom. We read in Scripture, “Each year his parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom.” (Lk 2:41)

With what we know of Joseph, it is not a stretch to imagine him as a very prayerful person.

For Joseph, the beginning of the journey that would lead him to emerge fully into who God created him to be and to fulfill his part in God’s plan, started with a dream, or a desire, long before the first dream, he had and that we read about in the Bible. The journey started with him saying “Yes” to letting God lead him, and continuing to say “Yes”, letting God continue to lead him all along the way. How can I, how can we, do the same?

StJosephJoseph the Carpenter rendered by Georges de La Tour